Communication Breakdown

                                                           3/27/13 - Communication Breakdown 

     As I was brainstorming this week on exactly how I might approach this week's promised subject of potty training, I began to realize that the core of the subject (at least for us) isn't potty training...  but communication.  Roman will be 3 in less than a month, and we still haven't quite crested that potty training hill.  We're almost there, but not quite.  And I feel a bit guilty about this, but it's not for lack of trying.  So where are we in the process?  Roman will go to the potty himself if he's in "big boy" underwear when we're at home.  He'll even take it to the regular toilet and flush it himself when finished (that's his favorite part).  But once we put him in pull-ups or any kind of disposable diaper material, he'll go in it.  So.. I know you're thinking, so just put him in big boy underwear...  well, the problem is, when we're not at home, he won't communicate his need to go.  In fact, communication with Roman is the core of many problems.  The kid just won't talk.  

     This communication breakdown is especially frustrating because of Roman's size.  At two years of age, he was towering over kids already in school.  He was in the 98 percentile for height, and his doctor even commented that he was one of the biggest kids (for his age) that he'd had as a patient.  So, when we're at the playground or the library, and other kids or even adults are talking to him or asking him something, he'd just look at them like they're doing something interesting.

     The kid is beginning to talk; his vocabulary increases every day.  For quite some time now, he's been able to point at a letter (upper-case or lower-case) and say what it is; he can count to about 15 in Polish and English.  And he sings along with his favorite songs/tv shows...   ...but he just doesn't communicate verbally.  Now, I'm sure many people are thinking.. ummm... Duane... he's 3!!!  yes, but when we're around other kids his age, or even younger; I see and hear them communicating needs or desires.  He responds to instructions -- just not verbally.  I can't tell him to say a word and him repeat it.   Or ask him a question and him answer it. 

     Anybody around him affirms our belief that he is very analytical.  He has these Disney-themed Cars puzzles (there's 5 of these 16-piece puzzles) that he puts together.  When we first got it for him, we would give him the pieces for one puzzle and he would slowly piece it together.  Within a couple of days, he could put all the pieces of all the puzzles in a pile, and could pick out the pieces as needed and have all five images together as quickly as he could grab the pieces.  The point is there's certainly not an intelligence problem.

     So, what is the problem?  Obviously, living in a multi-cultural, bilingual household has probably got the boy a bit confused.  Joanna speaks primarily Polish to him; and, I, of course, speak primarily English.  He understands both very well.  In fact, I think if we're giving him instructions, he responds to Polish better (probably because he sees Joanna as more of the authority figure -- I don't know why that is...).  So, when I'm giving him instructions, I usually use the little bit of Polish I know.  And when casually speaking, I use English.  But I don't think the problem is that complicated...  

                                             Roman following Polish instructions...

     I think that, somewhere along the track, Roman began to think that by verbally speaking jibberish, that he was talking.  He's beginning to throw some words in the mix, but most of what comes out of his mouth is nonsensical...  Here's a video of him doing it at about a year old...  (fast forward through it if you want, you'll get the idea pretty quickly...)

     I believe that he sees and hears us moving our mouths and making noises, and somewhere in that toddler head of his, he believes that by imitating us, that he is talking.  Joanna constantly informs me that all kids are different and that her brother didn't begin to speak until age 5 (...and he is one of the most intelligent, respectable people I know).  So I'm sure he'll come around...  but, in the meantime, I'm incapable of reading him a book, watching anything besides Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (hot dog, hot dog, hot-diggity dog), or even teaching him fun words.

     In conclusion, here's a video of something Roman's been doing lately.  He'll grab this picture frame (it's a picture of my hands colorfully playing a piano) and tilt it back and forth and say, "Caillou, Saishu" (or something phonetically similar)... he also says something that I just figured out what it was.  When Mickey calls Toodles on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he asks the audience, "Whaddayasay??  Oh, Toodles..."  And Roman was taking this picture frame and saying something like, "whaddayasay?  wah-dee-go, wah-dee-go.."  I just recently figured out he was saying, "whaddayasay... rectangle, rectangle.." as I noticed him doing something similar with other shapes "whaddayasay... circle, circle.."  

     Now I'll give a Parenting with Lightsabers brownie point to whomever can watch this video and tell me what he means by "Caillou Saishu" (or whatever it is).  Brownie points are good for a free fortune cookie with any meal purchased at Chongs, a free drink refill at McDonald's (dine-in only), or a free napkin at Cinemark theatres (Paducah location only).  Just tell them you got it on Parenting with Lightsabers and give them the code word, "Baa Baa Black Sheep."

     Here's a video of Roman saying "Caillou Saishu" (and, yes, I know that Caillou is a cartoon, and he does watch it sometimes -- but I'm not sure if he's even saying Caillou...) ..and, yes it could be jibberish, but I have a feeling it isn't...

     Tune in next week for, "Forecast:  Baby Showers."   And for anyone interested, the baby shower is next Wednesday, April 3, 3pm-5pm at Rivercrest in Harrah's hotel, Metropolis... the baby still needs a big-screen tv, a bowling ball engraved with the letters "D-U-A-N-E", and a Playstation 3..

     

Choosing a Name

                                         3/22/13 --  CHOOSING A NAME

     Well, here we go....  I can almost hear the Mortal Kombat narrator sound byte, "ROUND THREE...  FIGHT!"  And this will, with all of the most sincere efforts, be the final  and (as I've been informed) most difficult round.  For the first time in our family, we'll be bringing a girl into the world.  My mother has six grandsons and no granddaughters...  ...so she was literally dancing when the ultrasound revealed (or didn't reveal depending on how you look at it ;P) our unborn child's gender.
 
      This bottle-shattering rhetoric will be the maiden voyage of the S.S. Blog, so I want to be clear on what I am trying to do here.  I chose the name "Parenting with Lightsabres" because I wanted to marry the two things I love the most:  my children and science/fantasy fiction.  I wanted to share with my family, friends, and whoever else reads this jargon the absolute silliness that is my family.  So what do I know about parenting?  What gives me the right to give parenting advice when I'm obviously a clueless moron??  Well, the answer to that:  nothing.  I haven't a clue.  And I'm certainly not trying to give advice.  The mantra of my blog is simply to share the silliness and fun that our family endures and post once a week (hopefully Wednesdays or Thursdays).  I intend to use this blog as a personal journal as much as a shared diary of our adventures.  And I hope that the advice part of this venture will come from my readers in the comments section :)

     What is my family?  I have a 17 year-old boy from a previous marriage that lives 30 miles away and is already planning for college.  I see DJ usually about twice a month (after I twist his arm hard enough) as he's more interested in the worlds of anime and computer gaming than he is pretty much anything else (typical teenager).  I have a two (going on three) year-old boy that is absolutely unaware of his future sibling.  Roman is currently in the potty-training stage (that will be the subject of my next post) and is more interested in the worlds of Mickey Mouse and bed-jumping than he is pretty much anything else (typical toddler).  There's the unborn girl that is the focus of all of our planning right now -- baby shower, room preparation, newborn anxiety, nesting, etc.  And then add in the mix the multi-cultural aspect of the Polish immigrant that is my wife.  Joanna is the tough-as-nails/fun-as-hell Pollack that makes everything work.  (the whole subject of exactly how difficult a multi-cultural family is and what comprises one will also be the subject of a future post).  We are about as middle-class as they come -- with average income, a small house/yard, in a very middle-class neighborhood.  We make our payments and put aside just enough for our beloved annual trip to Poland and an added mystery destination that is usually decided by the best price available at the local Krakow-ian travel agency.

     So.... deciding on a name isn't quite as easy for us as the average person.  Why?  Because we really hoped to find a name that could comfortably be used in either an American or Polish setting.  And finding a name that we like that can fit into either category and hasn't already been taken by another family member isn't all that easy.  In Poland, there is a precise list of names for boys or girls that a person chooses from.  This keeps people from naming their child Marijuana Pepsi (I actually read about an American mother that named her daughter that), and it also gives them an assigned day of the year called their Name Day that they celebrate like we do our birthdays (and, of course they celebrate their birthdays, too).  Also, we wanted a name that didn't have a Polish-accented letter in it or would be commonly mispronounced.  For example, the Polish boy's name Marcin (pronounced MAR-CHIN) would probably commonly be mispronounced MAR-SIN.  For our boy we chose the name Roman Alan.  Roman is Joanna's father's name.  We really liked it, thought it could be American-ish, and was still original (not to mention it honored her father who we really do admire).  And Alan we just liked.  But, for a girl, the names in Poland were really difficult to choose from because some of them were really not so American-sounding.  They always end with an "a".  We considered the name Matylda (but I doused that one.. I just didn't like it).  We considered her mother's name:  Krystyna (pronounced Christina); but, we thought, as a first name, she would have to spell that out every time she applied for a credit card.  We considered incorporating my mother into that name, but her name is Edna Mae.. and, damn, mom, I'm sorry...   ...until one day it clicked..

     *drum roll please*

     We chose the name Amelia Krystyna.  We had been considering the name Amelia for a while, and I was just about to shoot it down when something fateful happened.  One of my regular customers (a very sweet, little lady named Amy) asked me what we were going to name our daughter.  I told her we were considering Matylda, but I didn't like it.  And that we were also considering Amelia.  She clapped her hands to her cheeks and looked so-suddenly merry.  "That's my name!"  she proclaimed.  "Everyone calls me Amy, but my name's Amelia."
     And suddenly, I saw the name in a whole new light.  I couldn't shake it.  Amelia.  Amelia.  Amelia.  Like the maid from the children's book, like the legendary airplane pilot.  Amelia.  I realized then that that was my daughter's name.  Not Amy or Lia or Amel (gosh, i hope not), but Amelia.   ...and we could throw Joanna's mother's name in the middle to honor her (because we admire her very much -- but that's a story for another day).  And as a middle name, Amelia wouldn't have to spell Krystyna every time she ordered something at Panera Bread.
    Amelia Krystyna Edwards (Madej), you poor, poor little girl..  you have no idea what you are about to be born into...

    Stayed tuned next week for an exciting episode of poo-poo in the potty and other fun-to-sing songs...