4/25/13 - "DJ"
Blogger's Note: I had decided last week that I needed to explain in my blog a bit about my oldest son and how he fits into our lives. I have been carefully considering my words since then, and I have discovered the process to be quite a challenge if I am to be honest and responsible at the same time. I do not wish to write anything of a vindictive nature, but I will simply state that the relationship between myself and my ex-wife is civil at best. We have been divorced for 16 years and, legally speaking, we have joint custody of our son.
Harold Duane Edwards III, or "Duane Junior", or DJ, is a Junior at Marshall County High School. He lives with his mother in Hardin, KY. He is a very smart teenager, and he is a very good kid. He spends way too much time on his computer, and, while he is very intelligent at anything electronic, computer-use is usually the subject of our conflicts as I'd like to see him spend more time exploring other avenues. He had an absolutely fantastic ACT score and has a very candid interest in going to the University of Kentucky; but, as he lives near Murray State, that option seems viable as well. He is musically gifted as well. He plays guitar very well, and he picked up everything I ever taught him about playing the piano right out of the gate. He has a YouTube channel where he posts videos of his gaming exploits, and some of his original music (both freestyle and dubstep).
I have an "open door" policy with DJ which basically means he is welcome to come here anytime and stay for as long as he wants. This usually translates into a couple of Friday's a month. I feel like I have always been financially responsible for him, but my parental controls, simply-put, are non-existent. I learned a long time ago that these are basilisk appropriations that cannot be enforced. I have never woke on Christmas morning with DJ in my house; I have never spent one of his actual birthday's with him; nor a 4th of July; I plan our Thanksgiving's on a different day than the actual Thanksgiving day; and, I have had him on one Halloween as he was growing up.. oh, and no Easter's.
I was 22 when DJ was born, and I had a lot of growing up to do. There were times when I could have gotten DJ and didn't, and there were times when I wanted to get him but was being punished, so I couldn't. It was all one, big ugly mess; and when I sought a legal resolution, the response was I needed a witness to three different altercations and more legal fees than I could possibly afford. By the time he was 8, I had gotten my life straightened up and was determined to put the past behind me. But the respect I was afforded was miniscule.
These days, we've all sort of reached an understanding. DJ and I are more like friends than father/son. We are very similar in interests: movies, music, and video games. He has some self-confidence issues which I try to encourage him to relinquish. He is GREAT with Roman; when he's here he helps me watch him. Roman really likes him.
On a personal level, I have a lot of pride in DJ. I see myself in him. He has that same level of anxiety. He sees the world and matters of the spirit the way that I do. He embraces honesty, and he can't stand injustices. I am hoping he will keep that tunnel vision about going to college and not consider anything less. He is smart enough to go very far. He wants to be a cellular biologist (I mean, what kind of kid says that kind of thing). He doesn't carry my name; he carries my father's name. And I know my father would be very proud of him. He is a teenager - with all the contempt and certainty and energy and vigor that goes with his age.
I remember DJ as that little boy that would climb on my back while I was playing video games and watch me play and scream at every exciting turn. And while I may not have the parenting privileges that I do with Roman, I still try to guide him (a bit like a speed limit sign - one doesn't have to follow the speed limit just because they see the sign, but one does consider the repercussions). I can't wait to see how far he goes (which I know is as far as he wants to go). I am always just a phone call/text message/chat/email away. He knows that if he ever needs me, I will be there before he finishes the sentence. I love him in a way that is very difficult to put into words, but that I hope he understands.
I wrote this song for him when he was 5. When I wrote it, the lyrics and the music tumbled out of me quicker than I could even get it on paper. Here's "Goodnight Son":
Blogger's Note: I had decided last week that I needed to explain in my blog a bit about my oldest son and how he fits into our lives. I have been carefully considering my words since then, and I have discovered the process to be quite a challenge if I am to be honest and responsible at the same time. I do not wish to write anything of a vindictive nature, but I will simply state that the relationship between myself and my ex-wife is civil at best. We have been divorced for 16 years and, legally speaking, we have joint custody of our son.
Harold Duane Edwards III, or "Duane Junior", or DJ, is a Junior at Marshall County High School. He lives with his mother in Hardin, KY. He is a very smart teenager, and he is a very good kid. He spends way too much time on his computer, and, while he is very intelligent at anything electronic, computer-use is usually the subject of our conflicts as I'd like to see him spend more time exploring other avenues. He had an absolutely fantastic ACT score and has a very candid interest in going to the University of Kentucky; but, as he lives near Murray State, that option seems viable as well. He is musically gifted as well. He plays guitar very well, and he picked up everything I ever taught him about playing the piano right out of the gate. He has a YouTube channel where he posts videos of his gaming exploits, and some of his original music (both freestyle and dubstep).
I have an "open door" policy with DJ which basically means he is welcome to come here anytime and stay for as long as he wants. This usually translates into a couple of Friday's a month. I feel like I have always been financially responsible for him, but my parental controls, simply-put, are non-existent. I learned a long time ago that these are basilisk appropriations that cannot be enforced. I have never woke on Christmas morning with DJ in my house; I have never spent one of his actual birthday's with him; nor a 4th of July; I plan our Thanksgiving's on a different day than the actual Thanksgiving day; and, I have had him on one Halloween as he was growing up.. oh, and no Easter's.
I was 22 when DJ was born, and I had a lot of growing up to do. There were times when I could have gotten DJ and didn't, and there were times when I wanted to get him but was being punished, so I couldn't. It was all one, big ugly mess; and when I sought a legal resolution, the response was I needed a witness to three different altercations and more legal fees than I could possibly afford. By the time he was 8, I had gotten my life straightened up and was determined to put the past behind me. But the respect I was afforded was miniscule.
These days, we've all sort of reached an understanding. DJ and I are more like friends than father/son. We are very similar in interests: movies, music, and video games. He has some self-confidence issues which I try to encourage him to relinquish. He is GREAT with Roman; when he's here he helps me watch him. Roman really likes him.
I remember DJ as that little boy that would climb on my back while I was playing video games and watch me play and scream at every exciting turn. And while I may not have the parenting privileges that I do with Roman, I still try to guide him (a bit like a speed limit sign - one doesn't have to follow the speed limit just because they see the sign, but one does consider the repercussions). I can't wait to see how far he goes (which I know is as far as he wants to go). I am always just a phone call/text message/chat/email away. He knows that if he ever needs me, I will be there before he finishes the sentence. I love him in a way that is very difficult to put into words, but that I hope he understands.
I wrote this song for him when he was 5. When I wrote it, the lyrics and the music tumbled out of me quicker than I could even get it on paper. Here's "Goodnight Son":
1 comment:
Not done crying yet. I wish my Son's Dad was like you. I chose badly and he paid for it. You are amazing.
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