4/3/13 - American Heroes
I know I said that this week's blog would be called "Forecast: Baby Showers", but I've got something else on my mind this week. And being as the shower isn't until this afternoon, I think I'll delay "Forecast: Baby Showers" until next week. So...
Thursday, March 28, 2013, two Calloway County boys, Ben and Cameron Davis (ages 7 and 5 respectively), went missing from 4pm that afternoon until the following morning around 9am. Apparently, they were exploring the woods and got lost and had to spend the night in the rain. During the time they were missing, many of us were holding our breath, perhaps praying, and imagining the possibilities. I admit that I was biting my nails wondering what I would do if that were my children. I considered that they were lost, or kidnapped, or fallen down a well. Being a parent, nobody warned me that the toughest part is the worry.
Roman will be three this month. During his three years of life, I have heard the words "abandoned child" twice and had it implied once. Joanna and I decided, perhaps even before Roman was born, that we wanted our children to be very independent, very free. With all the precautions and knowledge possible in place, we want our children to be able to live in this world respecting its dangers, but not fearing them. Why? Because I feel that so many of the dangers that people are afraid of are improbable and rooted in Hollywood.
I hear so many times "there's crazy people out there" and "I don't want my child picked up by some creep". And I am absolutely sure that there are just such people. But when we look at kidnapping statistics, a great majority of these are from family members: ex-spouses that want to take their children, grandparents pulling children from dangerous situations, perhaps older boyfriends taking their minor girlfriends away. Very few, I feel, are actual "ice-cream-truck or stranger-in-a-van kidnappings." If you disagree, that's fine. I'll respect your opinion, so long as you respect mine.
I want Roman to be able to play outside (out of the street) or at the park (with other children) without worrying that he will be that one-out-of-a-million child that gets kidnapped. I don't want to sacrifice his freedoms as a human being based on fear of an improbability. Of course, I want to deploy these "freedoms" at plateaus relative to his age and his maturity level.
Roman, for his age, is very independent. He doesn't possess that fear of getting lost or being separated from his parents (unlike DJ who, at his age, didn't want to lose sight of you). I'm not sure that that's a good thing. When we're at the mall, he wants to run ahead. When we're at the park, he wants to run to play off by himself. My rule is basically to keep him on a string of eye contact (and of course out of the paths of cars lol). I want him to be able to explore, feeling like he is going where he wants.
Do you know the gas pumps in front of Walmart (the one by the mall)? The pay window is outside. I wait for the pump closest to the pay window. I take the keys and leave Roman in his car seat and walk twenty feet to pay for the gas. My eye contact pretty much never breaks. It makes more sense to me than getting him into the cold. Once, as I was paying for gas, a lady walks up to my car looking in the window. I knew what she was doing before she did it. I stopped what I was doing and intercepted her before she got to the window. "How's it going?" I asked with direct eye contact and a smile. "I was just going to see if he was all right..." I didn't reply; I got Roman out of the car and went back and paid. Not because I was afraid he was in the danger that she thought he was in, but because I perceived her as the danger. If I can respond to my child, and be there before he is "approached", then he is NOT abandoned.
Example #2, I always choose the check-out line closest to the arcade at Walmart, it (once again) is about twenty feet away. Once I get to the cashier, I let Roman run and push the flashing buttons while I'm settling the payment. Once, an employee did the same thing. She walks up to Roman (before she got there I, once again, intercept her). "Oh, I thought he was alone..." she says. "I'm right here," I respond politely. She looks at me cautiously and walks away looking over shoulder just waiting for the opportunity to be a 6 o'clock news hero. I watch her walk away with a smile.
Example #3, I was bike riding, pulling him along in his trailer on a cold day (covered in a blanket in the contained ride), and I was geo-cache-ing downtown Paducah. I was at a little corner park and had my bike locked up walking not twenty feet away (again) when a lady walking by sees him. "Oh, I thought he was abandoned..." Seriously? Seriously?? I'm standing right here. I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
EVERYBODY wants be a hero. Even at someone else's expense. If any one of those people had even attempted to even touch Roman, I could have been on them like white on rice before the thought in their brains finished. I'm SICK of American Heroes (or idiots as I think of them).
In Poland, the marketplace of the large city of Krakow, young children run freely, chasing pigeons or each other. You know those water fountains (like the one by the Paducah library) that look like they would be so much fun to play in? Well, they do. Toddlers splash naked through the water. Parents grab a beer at the stand right next to it and watch. It's just fun. It's just beautiful. It's just relaxing. There's no other way to put it. It's refreshing. Nobody gets drunk; they just have one or two. Nobody's trying to be a hero.
So, my point is, I fear the American Heroes more than I do these perceived bad guys. Use sensibility before actions. Watch other kids to help out, not to admonish. And don't intervene unless there is a DIRECT concern. They're not your children, and I'd bet they're going to be just fine.
I know I said that this week's blog would be called "Forecast: Baby Showers", but I've got something else on my mind this week. And being as the shower isn't until this afternoon, I think I'll delay "Forecast: Baby Showers" until next week. So...
Thursday, March 28, 2013, two Calloway County boys, Ben and Cameron Davis (ages 7 and 5 respectively), went missing from 4pm that afternoon until the following morning around 9am. Apparently, they were exploring the woods and got lost and had to spend the night in the rain. During the time they were missing, many of us were holding our breath, perhaps praying, and imagining the possibilities. I admit that I was biting my nails wondering what I would do if that were my children. I considered that they were lost, or kidnapped, or fallen down a well. Being a parent, nobody warned me that the toughest part is the worry.
Roman will be three this month. During his three years of life, I have heard the words "abandoned child" twice and had it implied once. Joanna and I decided, perhaps even before Roman was born, that we wanted our children to be very independent, very free. With all the precautions and knowledge possible in place, we want our children to be able to live in this world respecting its dangers, but not fearing them. Why? Because I feel that so many of the dangers that people are afraid of are improbable and rooted in Hollywood.
I hear so many times "there's crazy people out there" and "I don't want my child picked up by some creep". And I am absolutely sure that there are just such people. But when we look at kidnapping statistics, a great majority of these are from family members: ex-spouses that want to take their children, grandparents pulling children from dangerous situations, perhaps older boyfriends taking their minor girlfriends away. Very few, I feel, are actual "ice-cream-truck or stranger-in-a-van kidnappings." If you disagree, that's fine. I'll respect your opinion, so long as you respect mine.
I want Roman to be able to play outside (out of the street) or at the park (with other children) without worrying that he will be that one-out-of-a-million child that gets kidnapped. I don't want to sacrifice his freedoms as a human being based on fear of an improbability. Of course, I want to deploy these "freedoms" at plateaus relative to his age and his maturity level.
Roman, for his age, is very independent. He doesn't possess that fear of getting lost or being separated from his parents (unlike DJ who, at his age, didn't want to lose sight of you). I'm not sure that that's a good thing. When we're at the mall, he wants to run ahead. When we're at the park, he wants to run to play off by himself. My rule is basically to keep him on a string of eye contact (and of course out of the paths of cars lol). I want him to be able to explore, feeling like he is going where he wants.
Do you know the gas pumps in front of Walmart (the one by the mall)? The pay window is outside. I wait for the pump closest to the pay window. I take the keys and leave Roman in his car seat and walk twenty feet to pay for the gas. My eye contact pretty much never breaks. It makes more sense to me than getting him into the cold. Once, as I was paying for gas, a lady walks up to my car looking in the window. I knew what she was doing before she did it. I stopped what I was doing and intercepted her before she got to the window. "How's it going?" I asked with direct eye contact and a smile. "I was just going to see if he was all right..." I didn't reply; I got Roman out of the car and went back and paid. Not because I was afraid he was in the danger that she thought he was in, but because I perceived her as the danger. If I can respond to my child, and be there before he is "approached", then he is NOT abandoned.
Example #2, I always choose the check-out line closest to the arcade at Walmart, it (once again) is about twenty feet away. Once I get to the cashier, I let Roman run and push the flashing buttons while I'm settling the payment. Once, an employee did the same thing. She walks up to Roman (before she got there I, once again, intercept her). "Oh, I thought he was alone..." she says. "I'm right here," I respond politely. She looks at me cautiously and walks away looking over shoulder just waiting for the opportunity to be a 6 o'clock news hero. I watch her walk away with a smile.
Example #3, I was bike riding, pulling him along in his trailer on a cold day (covered in a blanket in the contained ride), and I was geo-cache-ing downtown Paducah. I was at a little corner park and had my bike locked up walking not twenty feet away (again) when a lady walking by sees him. "Oh, I thought he was abandoned..." Seriously? Seriously?? I'm standing right here. I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
EVERYBODY wants be a hero. Even at someone else's expense. If any one of those people had even attempted to even touch Roman, I could have been on them like white on rice before the thought in their brains finished. I'm SICK of American Heroes (or idiots as I think of them).
In Poland, the marketplace of the large city of Krakow, young children run freely, chasing pigeons or each other. You know those water fountains (like the one by the Paducah library) that look like they would be so much fun to play in? Well, they do. Toddlers splash naked through the water. Parents grab a beer at the stand right next to it and watch. It's just fun. It's just beautiful. It's just relaxing. There's no other way to put it. It's refreshing. Nobody gets drunk; they just have one or two. Nobody's trying to be a hero.
So, my point is, I fear the American Heroes more than I do these perceived bad guys. Use sensibility before actions. Watch other kids to help out, not to admonish. And don't intervene unless there is a DIRECT concern. They're not your children, and I'd bet they're going to be just fine.
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